I wanted to read this book because I wanted to see if all the hoopla surrounding the book would affect me. To me, a memoir means that someone is writing from their memory, which can sometimes be distorted, especially if that someone has been abused or has been consumed by their addictions. Well, I WAS affected. Now I want to know what actually happened as written, and what was embellished! I think James Frey said it best though in his "Note to the Reader" : "Ultimately, it's a story, and one that I could not have written without having lived the life I've lived." I can accept that.
I liked the book. I liked the writing style - more a stream of consciousness than anything. I think the writing style emphasized the pain and suffering of a hard core addict.
While I admire James' resolve to "do it his way" instead of the 12-step way and actually succeed at it (at least to date!), I believe that his way would not work for most people and he may be doing them a disservice to so blatantly disregard AA and the 12-step program. I also admire that James' chooses to consistently blame himself for his actions instead of others. No one forced him to lead the life he lived for 23 years.
I liked the discussion that James and Joanne had about faith: believing in something that can't be proven to exist. James says that he thinks that people have faith because they want or need to believe in something (ie God) because life can be hard, depressing, and brutal if they don't. Joanne's response: Whether what we believe in actually exists or not, don't we get the benefits of that faith? James then concedes that he has faith in love and friendship, and these two things makes him feel better. Love and friendship can't be "proven" and they are oftentimes conditional and can end suddenly. It is having FAITH in that love/friendship that benefits us, even if it doesn't last forever.
One thing I struggled with is James' FURY in regards to his parents. I think that FURY involved his own feelings of shame and anger at himself about what he had done to his parents. I also think they enabled him, however, by "bank rolling" his drugs, alcohol and lifestyle. They were also distant to his needs - always traveling, always working and not really knowing the extent of James' problems. James told them he was good at hiding things, but I believe that if his parents were truly invested in James, they would have known more than they proclaimed to have known. I believe that James' screaming for two years because he was in pain from untreated ear infections WOULD affect the trust that he had in his parents to protect him from the bad things in life. Those first two years of life are crucial in child development: mentally, emotionally and physically. James also found out at that same session that his mom's father was an alcoholic and alcoholism can be genetically linked. I liked that fact that, again, he did not try to use the pain that he suffered as an infant/toddler or his grandfather's alcoholism as justification for the life choices he made later on. He kept saying that blaming other people for your own actions is a cop out. I agree!!
Another interesting "James-ism": Joanne asks James if he thinks suicide is an act of bravery. James says, "No, I think it's cowardly, just like I think addiction is cowardly. But I do think that they both require a certain kind of pathetic strength...You have to be fairly strong to feel anything as powerful as hatred or self-hatred. Addiction and suicide are not for the weak." James is focused on his beliefs. Another phrase for that would be "tunnel vision!" Again, I admired his consistency of thought though.
James may not have believed in God or the Bible; he may not have believed in AA or the 12-step program; but he certainly found comfort and a sense of calmness when reading "Tao Te Ching"! That was HIS 'bible'. So he DID have faith in something that can't be proven to exist: the words of a Chinese man.
I am moving on and reading James Frey's next novel called "My Friend Leonard", so I wanted to blog before I got the two novels confused, since they deal with some of the same characters!
Wendy's Rating: ****
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