The Mother Next Door by Andrea Dunlop & Mike Weber

This is a nonfiction account of Munchausen by Proxy. It details the investigations into three different cases of mother's inflicting harm on their children for attention: Hope Ybarra, Brittany Philips, and Mary Welch. Andrea Dunlop is a novelist whose own family has been affected by MBP, through her sister. Mike Weber is a detective who has become an expert in MBP simply by spending years investigating these incredibly challenging cases. He has worked on more medical child abuse cases than anyone in the US. Although I knew about Munchausen by Proxy long before MBP victim Gypsy Rose Blanchard became a household name after she was charged and convicted of killing her mother, I didn't realize how many similarities there are between cases. I also had no idea that doctors will perform surgeries based on a mother's report, without doing any extra testing themselves. It's astounding really.

Just like police officers need to be trained in how to deescalate people having a mental health crisis, doctors should be trained to spot medical child abuse, especially since there seems to be a pattern in many cases. Hope, Brittany, and Mary all had children that were born premature. These poor children had multiple unnecessary tests, inconsistently abnormal labs, medical diagnoses (like cystic fibrosis and cerebral palsy) simply reported by their mother, feeding tubes, rare blood infections, leg braces. In all of these cases the children's eating issues and mobility issues were reported by their mothers but were not witnessed by anyone else. In fact, many friends, family members, and even nurses saw these children eating normally when mom was not in the room and walking/running with no issues at all.

All three of these cases were very challenging to bring to court. Both Hope and Mary were well-loved, intelligent, and wealthy. Mike Weber tried a number of ways to get these woman to admit what they had done. He had better luck with Hope, probably because her mother was the one who reported her and found some evidence that she turned over to Mike. Hope's story was actually quite remarkable since she was such an accomplished liar. She lied about her own health for eight years, pretending to have various types of cancer. This resulted in fundraising efforts by family and friends that raised an enormous amount of money. Hope lied about her education and her credentials. She lied about miscarrying twin daughters. She lied about her first daughter (second child) having CF. Her youngest child suffered the most however. Hope introduced bacteria and contagions in her feeding tube (which she didn't need) which could have easily killed her. Hope did end up in prison for 10 years. 

Mary was extremely wealthy (with money to burn) so she could afford to get her son medical care in Texas and Minnesota. When the Texas doctors told her that her son did not need a brain shunt, she simply got on a private plane and flew him to Minnesota to get it done. And she found a doctor to do it, taking her word for it! Mary fooled doctors, friends, her family, lawyers, and the judge! She was pretty and personable and wealthy. Money talks, right? Her mother protected her 100% and spent all her energy blaming Mary's ex-husband for everything, who was naive and innocent. He temporarily got custody, which probably ended up saving his son's life, although Mary won back joint custody in the end.

Brittany's case was different because she was not well-liked, respected, or wealthy. She had no supportive family or husband. She was verbally and physically abusive to her three year old daughter, Alyssa, in front of other people. She was reported to CPS several times by a variety of different people. Her daughter was finally taken away from her and put into a foster home after it was discovered that Brittany put feces in her daughter's (unnecessary) feeding tube which gave her a life-threatening blood infection. Her trial ended up with a hung jury (10 guilty - 1 not guilty - some people cannot believe that a mother would intentionally harm their child). Eventually Brittany pleaded guilty instead of going back to trial but she only served five years. Alyssa thrived in the care of her foster family, who ended up adopting her.

These women knew what they were doing. They were not "delusional". They were constantly seeking the attention they craved (and received) while caring for their "deeply ill" children. Both Hope and Mary's husbands believed their children were as sick as their wives told them they were. MBP continues to be under-reported and very difficult to prove. It's incredibly tragic.

Wendy's Rating: ****

The God of the Woods by Liz Moore

I loved this book. There are several narrators: Louise, camp counselor; Tracy, camper; Alice, mother of Barbara; Jacob, accused and convicted murderer; Carl, gardener of the Van Laar Preserve; Judyta, BCI Investigator; and Victor, Director of Camp Emerson. The story alternates from the 1950s to 1961 to Winter 1973 to June 1975 to July 1975 to August 1975. There are other key characters (Barbara, TJ, Bear, three Peters, Delphine, John Paul), but we learn about them from someone else's perspective. The way the story is interwoven between timelines makes the story even more fast-paced.

The central family of this story is the Van Laars. Peter Van Laar 1 bought the land on which the homestead is built. By all accounts, he was a kind and generous man. He cared about the land and about people. The homestead was named Self-Reliance. Camp Emerson was developed on part of the Van Laar Preserve so that children could spend two months of their summer learning the land and how to survive on it. Peter Van Laar 2 didn't quite have the same vision. He was more controlling and domineering and wasn't necessarily well-liked. Peter Van Laar 3 was handsome and charming, but pretty much a jerk. When he was 29 years old, he chose to marry Alice, who was only 17 years old when they met. She was pretty and malleable. Just what he wanted in a wife. He wanted a son, which she promptly delivered (Peter Van Laar 4, but called Bear) and then he told Alice that they would not be having any more children. That was pretty much their relationship. The only thing they had in common was their love of Bear.

Bear was an adventurous and spirited child that was loved by everyone at Self-Reliance, including all the staff. He tragically disappeared when he was 8 years old, after he went for a walk with his grandfather, Peter 2. Carl, the gardener, was eventually accused of killing Bear, even though Bear was never found. Peter 3 and Alice end up having another child after Bear's disappearance. They named her Barbara. Barbara's parents weren't overly invested or engaged in her life. She was a difficult child, which made things worse. Victor Hewitt's daughter, TJ Hewitt, took over as the Director of Camp Emerson after her father could no longer handle the responsibility as he aged. TJ also took over as Barbara's "mother figure", since Alice was never the same after Bear disappeared.

Barbara declared to Alice in the summer of 1975 that she wanted to attend Camp Emerson as a camper. She befriended Tracy, who was new to the camp and was struggling with her own family life (parent's divorce, dad's new girlfriend, etc.) One morning, Tracy woke up and Barbara was gone. Louise was the camp counselor responsible for the girls in Barbara & Tracy's cabin, and she had left them unattended for part of the night. That's when Judyta joins the story, as one of the investigators who arrives at the Van Laar Preserve to find Barbara, or at least figure out what happened to her.

Despite the number of characters, the story is well-written and easy to follow, even considering the jumping around in timelines. I really enjoyed the ride.

Wendy's Rating: *****

I'll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara

I've always been interested in the investigation of cold cases. It's astounding that people can get away with murder, especially with today's science and technology. This book details true crime journalist Michelle McNamara's deep dive into the "Golden State Killer", aka the "EAR" (East Area Rapist), aka the "Original Night Stalker". This unknown individual raped over 50 women and killed 13 people in the 1970s-1980s across California without ever being caught. It's truly remarkable. This rapist/murderer also burglarized 120 homes during his crime spree, taking random and often personal items from homes and the people he attacked. He would leave a lot of these items at other crime scenes, or simply in other random places. He had a distinct look (although he was usually seen with a ski mask covering his face), a distinct voice, and a distinct penis. It was reported by his surviving victims that he was fairly routine in how he exhibited his crimes. He scoped out people and homes for weeks at a time, ran through people's back yards, looked into windows, called his victims on the phone, left over 50 people alive, but was not caught until 2018!! That's absolutely crazy.

It's safe to say that Michelle was pretty much obsessed with her self-appointed task of tracking down this killer. She worked steadily on it for years, talking to dozens of people, scouring thousands of documents, traveling to crime scenes, developing a number of profiles, in her search for this man. She unexpectedly died before finishing her mission, and interestingly enough, the actual killer was not even on her radar. She mentions a tons of possible suspects in this investigative work, but Joseph James DeAngelo, the actual rapist/killer, was not ever named as a suspect in any file, interview, or documentation. Michelle died in 2016. DeAngelo was apprehended in 2018. Each of the suspects that Michelle focused on was eliminated through DNA analysis. After each elimination, she would have to go back to the drawing board. Michelle was definitely on the right track however. She suspected that the rapist/killer lived in the Visalia and Rancho Cordova areas, and she was correct. She suspected that he may have been associated with the military, which he was. He was in the US Navy during Vietnam War and he was a police officer. But, apparently his DNA was not in any sort of data base. Again, remarkable.

Michelle was very detail oriented and extremely personable, focused, and determined. This book, and the way it's laid out, is very engaging and readable. Since she died before it was finished, her notes and transcripts were used to finish it for publication. She was married to comedian Patton Oswalt and all I could think was, "he is a very supportive and patient man"! Not everyone could be married to someone so driven to find the truth! If you are a true crime fan that enjoys the investigative process, this is the book for you.

Wendy's Rating: *****

Night by Elie Wiesel

This is a powerful testament to the horrors of the Holocaust. I listened to it on audiobook. This is a translation by Elie's wife, so it feels like an authentic expression of Elie's words as he explains what happened to him and his family when they were taken in the last transport out of his town during WWII. Elie and his father were separated from his mother and younger sister at the start. Elie and his father were sent to Auschwitz. Elie was only a teenager. Although I have read many, many books about the Holocaust, to listen to a first-person account is impactful.

One thing that struck me again and again is how many last second decisions people made that could either save their life or end their life. Since the prisoners never knew what the intent of a SS officer was, it was challenging to figure out what "line" they should be in. Which one was going to the crematorium and which one was going to another camp or another work detail? There was a point towards the end of the war when Elie's father was selected to go to the crematorium and Elie panicked, rushing toward his father's "line", which created chaos amongst the prisoners and SS officers, and as the officers were trying to get everyone back in the appropriate line, Elie managed to bring his dad with him. I'm not sure he could have gotten away with that earlier in their time at the camp, but it worked at this stage of the war. Many times they had no idea what they should hope for, having no idea if it was the right decision until the choice was made - either by them or someone else. People would whisper in Elie's ear what Elie should do in any given situation, but Elie didn't necessarily know if the person was trying to educate him and help him (because they had been there longer) or if the person was simply wanting him to do something to eliminate Elie so there was more room or food for himself. What a burden to lay on the shoulders of a teenager who desperately tried to protect his father and keep him alive.

The cruelty of humans against humans is astounding and deeply unsettling. It's unimaginable  how so many Nazis could find it within themselves to routinely starve and beat innocent men, women and children to death - people that were simply people living their own lives. These were not "enemies" fighting a battle against their oppressors. I know a lot of people that don't want to read any more stories about the Holocaust, but I believe that this is a part of history that should never be forgotten. I think this book should be required reading in our high schools. Our centered-around-self youth should gain a different perspective about what's important in life, especially since the Jewish people continue to be oppressed even today.

Wendy's Rating: *****

Getting Naked by Valerie Bertinelli

I listened to this on audiobook. I have always loved Valerie Bertinelli's spirit, kindness, and sense of humor that she has portrayed in her TV series', including her cooking show. She comes across as positive, encouraging, and friendly. Consistently, she's the same way in this book. It's more of a self-help book than a memoir, but she does talk about her career and personal life at times. It's more about how she has changed and grown as a person however.

I think her message is an important one for all people who believe the road to happiness is being "perfect" in others' eyes. People have always been cruel to each other, commenting on someone's looks or weight or the way they wear their hair or the clothes they wear. But with the introduction of all the social media platforms, it's become a societal nightmare. The judgments, the critiques, the assumptions and presumptions, the hurtful comments. Why?? Why do people want to drag other people down rather than build them up? The easy answer is: they are insecure. Valerie talks about her own insecurities, but the only person she has repeatedly beaten up on is herself. The pressure to be "perfect" is real. I grew up with similar expectations, which I am just now coming to terms with myself.

After 60+ years of thinking a certain way, it's difficult to change a thought process. I love how she stopped thinking of "dieting" and started simply eating healthier and not stepping on the scale every morning. She stopped drinking alcohol since she was using it as a coping tool. She started walking every day with her dog, which is good for her and her dog. She is making lifestyle changes for the right reasons and has stopped holding herself hostage to the idea of being "perfect". It's a lesson that I need to learn as well. I love her positive attitude and her openness about moving forward and not letting the past dictate who she is.

Wendy's Rating: ****

My Name is Barbra by Barbra Streisand - Part 1

Wow! I am listening to this on audiobook and it's whopping 48 hours long! Most memoirs are 6-10 hours long. So this is an investment of time. I got to 60% and then "Libby" took it back. It wouldn't let me renew because of the waiting list, so I put it back on hold and now I have to wait another 22 weeks until I can get it back! I decided I should write about the first 60% so I don't forget what I want to say about it. First of all, I love Barbra Streisand and I always have, ever since I first watched What's Up Doc back in the 1970s when I was a young teen. Then when I was introduced to her music from Funny Girl (1968), I fell in love with her voice. She has always been my favorite artist because of her immense talent (singing, acting, directing), but after listening to her memoir about her childhood and rise to stardom; her innate sense of artistry; her ability to sketch scenes the way she sees them in her head; her ability to improv a conversation so that it matches the emotions of the scene; her ability to "see" and "feel" the character she is portraying; is phenomenal. She is so detail-oriented that she knows what lighting she wants for each scene of a movie. She likes to do as few takes as possible so that a scene is the most authentic that it can be (vs. coming across as over-rehearsed). 

The first 60% of this book details how she got her start when she was a teenager living in Brooklyn, NY. Her dad died tragically when she was young, so she lived with her unsupportive, negative mother and a jerk of a step-father (part of that time). She wanted to be famous for her acting. Her voice was an afterthought. She got her first gig singing at a night club however, and it's that voice that propelled her to stardom. She was cast in Funny Girl as an "unknown" and the rest, as they say, is history. This part of the book details her experiences in Funny Girl on Broadway and in London, and also the making of the movie (very detailed); Hello Dolly (detailed); On a Clear Day You Can See Forever (briefly); The Owl and the Pussycat (very briefly); What's Up Doc? (detailed); Up the Sandbox (very detailed); The Way We Were (very detailed); For Pete's Sake (very briefly); Funny Lady (somewhat detailed); A Star is Born (very detailed); The Main Event (detailed); All Night Long (mentioned); and Yentl (very, very detailed!) She talks about her co-stars, producers, directors, camera people, lighting people, art people, set people, musicians, lyricists, composers, and every other person associated with a production. It's absolutely fascinating. 

She is so detailed in her descriptions that I rented Funny Girl from Prime video after I listened to that detailed chapter to see what she was talking about. I studied the characters, the lighting, scenes, the clothing, etc. She insisted on singing one of the songs live while filming the movie (which was unheard of) because she wanted her emotions at the time of the filming to match the song. I watched clips of Hello Dolly, The Way We Were, and A Star is Born after reading about the production of those movies and her co-stars. I was completely blown away that Walter Matthau was her co-star in Hello Dolly! I think of him as a slob in The Odd Couple and a grumpy old man in Grumpy Old Men - not as a co-star to Barbra Streisand! (It didn't go well, by the way. He was a total jerk to her.) I was happy to read that she worked well with Omar Sharif, Ryan O'Neal and Robert Redford however. Whew!

Finally, Yentl. I loved the movie when I first saw it. Now I love it more. I have watched it twice since listening to that chapter (which brought me to 60%). She talks about wanting Richard Gere to play Avigdor but she ended up with a 29 year old Mandy Patinkin (she was 10 years older than him) as her co-star. I love Mandy Patinkin. It's been so long since I originally saw the movie in theaters (1983) that I didn't even realize that Avigdor was played by Mandy! I love his acting and I love his voice. So imagine my deep, deep disappointment when I found out that Barbra had a very difficult time with him as her co-star. He didn't want to take direction from Barbra; was hot-headed; restless; difficult. Sadness set in. So, I watched the movie a second time to study all the things she talked about. Here is my final analysis: This movie is absolutely wonderful. I love it. The way it was written, directed, filmed, edited, the music - fabulous. There is no way you could tell that the two leads didn't like each other. That's impressive acting. (Like Richard Gere and Debra Winger in An Officer and a Gentleman.)

The most wonderful thing about listening to this on audiobook: Barbra includes video clips of some of the songs she sings! I am pretty much obsessed with this book and I can't wait to finish the last 40% of it - in 22 weeks or so.

Wendy's Rating: *****

Theo of Golden by Allen Levi

I am definitely leery about reading books that everyone else "LOVES" because I have too high of expectations and then I am disappointed when I actually read the book. This is not the case with Theo of Golden. This is a beautifully written character-driven narrative.  No one knows who Theo is, or even what his last name is, but you don't need to. Theo comes to the town of Golden, Georgia from New York. He is an elderly gentleman (86) who only stays in Golden for about a year. (That's referenced a few times, but you don't know why he's there and why he leaves after a year.) Theo is a refined gentleman who values art of all types: books, paintings, architecture, music. He is a great listener, accepts everyone for who they are, and is kind & empathetic to all.

When Theo arrives in town, he locates an apartment to rent in a building owned by the town lawyer. It overlooks the town square. Theo stops in at the local coffee shop and is intrigued by all of the hand-drawn portraits displayed on all the walls (over 90 of them). The portraits are for sale (at a pretty low price so that people can afford them), and the portraits are of people who live in Golden. He discovers that they were drawn by a local artist. He is drawn to them (no pun intended!) because of the details of their faces, especially the eyes (the eyes are the windows of the soul, so to speak). He decides to start buying them and inviting the person whose portrait he buys to meet him in the square so he can "gift" them their own portrait. In the process of meeting them, he invites them into his world. He asks them questions about their lives and really builds relationships with many of the recipients from these encounters.

As the months go by, he establishes a core group of friends. They are people from all walks of life. They are different ages; have different interests; are different nationalities; one of the women he befriends (Ellen) is homeless. He is gentle, kind, supportive, non-judgmental...and incredibly secretive. The only person in town that knows anything about him is the lawyer, Mr. Ponder, since Theo retained him as an attorney when he came to town. Mr. Ponder wasn't actually taking any new clients when Theo approached him, but Theo is quite persuasive.

As the story progresses, we learn about the lives of this core group, and a little of Theo's past life (like he had a daughter who died in a car accident who he still mourns). This group starts supporting each other; sharing meals together; coming together to celebrate each other's successes; offering support during the hard times. The book simply flows. I can't describe it any better. You don't find out why Theo chose Golden - and how it all connects - until the very end. It's a heartwarming story about kindness and living a purpose-filled life. I really loved it - just like everyone else! Ha!

Wendy's Rating: *****